It has been 8 days since my plane touched down on American soil. For 8 days I have been toiling. Wondering how I will write this post. I feel a need to please everyone. We have had complaints of our Speak Out blog being too emotional, too harsh, too demeaning, so I decided to post here. I have tried to think of how I would write this chapter without emotion. I have found that this is an impossible task. This journey has been wrought with emotion; ups and downs, hills and valleys. I can't tell this story without emotion, without the fear, the dread, the utter sadness of it all. So please, reader, bear with me as I try to articulate the pain and the beauty of our story.
On October 7, 2013, I set out on a mission: a mission to find the truth, a mission to find a daughter. I flew into Haiti after weeks of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of the “what ifs.” I arrived, and I felt it; that feeling that I feel in Haiti, the connection to a people. I smelled the fragrance of burning coals, heard the bustling in the streets and saw the people, the people that I have grown to love. This mission was burned into my heart. I could not let a lie keep me from the truth.
On August 13, 2013, we received a letter from Voice of the Orphan stating that R's mom had revoked her consent to adopt. See my blog post here. On September 12, 2013, we received the following fake revocation of adoption from Voice of The Orphan. This fake document would be my grace from God. I had been begging for months for information in regards to R's history and birth parents, but I had never received any of the information. This document led me to her: to the woman who held R in her womb.
On October 7, 2013, I set out on a mission: a mission to find the truth, a mission to find a daughter. I flew into Haiti after weeks of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of the “what ifs.” I arrived, and I felt it; that feeling that I feel in Haiti, the connection to a people. I smelled the fragrance of burning coals, heard the bustling in the streets and saw the people, the people that I have grown to love. This mission was burned into my heart. I could not let a lie keep me from the truth.
On August 13, 2013, we received a letter from Voice of the Orphan stating that R's mom had revoked her consent to adopt. See my blog post here. On September 12, 2013, we received the following fake revocation of adoption from Voice of The Orphan. This fake document would be my grace from God. I had been begging for months for information in regards to R's history and birth parents, but I had never received any of the information. This document led me to her: to the woman who held R in her womb.
(Fake Revocation Of Consent to Adopt. R's mother never appeared in court and she never revoked her consent to adopt.)
I have often thought of her. What is she like? Is she good? Where does she live? Where was R born? I had booked the trip to Haiti determined to find her, and to find out the answers to my questions. Just days before I traveled, someone found her. They found her living in extreme poverty. This person told her that I was requesting to meet with her to discuss the legality of the adoption as well as R's future, and she agreed.
This mother, showing great resilience, borrowed money from neighbors, took a taxi to the crèche, and waited for over 3 hours as they retrieved her daughter. Heather Elyse had been hiding R in her personal home, but she was now with a woman they call Madame Pastor's Wife. I assume Heather had to hide her to keep up the lie she had told (that R's mom had taken her back). G (R's mom) then walked to a secret location where a van waited to bring her to me.
I was so nervous and prayed continually throughout the morning. I was doubting she would come, and I couldn't believe that she would bring R. She made a 1 1/2 hour trip to Port au Prince to meet with me. I walked to meet her at the gate. There she was, beautiful, just as I had imagined. She was holding R. R smiled the biggest smile and hugged me tight. They came and sat with us for hours. During this time my heart was broken. I watched as a little girl I have loved from afar love her mommy. She clung to her. They smiled at each other. They LOVE each other.
I asked all the questions I had prepared. Did she understand adoption? Did she want me to parent R? Did she know that she wouldn't see her again? Her answers astounded me. She had no idea what adoption was. She thought I would bring R frequently to see her. She asked me to buy her a phone so she could call her every week. She didn't understand that R would lose her language within 6 months of coming to America. She was looking for someone to feed and clothe her daughter, she wasn't looking for another family for her.
It was time to leave. R gave me two big kisses on the lips, we sang Jesus loves me, and our ABC's. I got into the car and wept. I saw R as G's daughter. She is not mine. God formed her in the womb of a poor mother in Haiti. Poverty does not an orphan make. G wants her daughter! G sent R with another biological mom that we have since found out was being paid to find kids for the creche. G couldn't feed her daughter. She is 26 years old with 3 other children and no job: she had no means to support another child. She is a strong, healthy woman, but mostly she is a mom.
R is now with her mom. Reunited with the woman that birthed her into this world. I am home. I go into the room that was prepared for her, I see the excess of clothes, the new bunk beds for her and her big sissy...but it's not enough. Our love, our wealth, it is not enough to take her from her mom, from her home, from her culture.
I thought I would be saving an impoverished little girl, but through this, she has saved me. She has saved me from thinking that somehow our family is better, that somehow being here would lead her to Jesus. She has taught me the truth of God's providence. He can use her in Haiti. Her mother, with help, can be empowered to take care of HER children. I can support them from afar, I can LOVE her still.
Love is what this is. Love is caring for a woman and her 4 children. Love is not selfish and doing what makes me and my family FEEL good. Love is sacrifice.
This mother, showing great resilience, borrowed money from neighbors, took a taxi to the crèche, and waited for over 3 hours as they retrieved her daughter. Heather Elyse had been hiding R in her personal home, but she was now with a woman they call Madame Pastor's Wife. I assume Heather had to hide her to keep up the lie she had told (that R's mom had taken her back). G (R's mom) then walked to a secret location where a van waited to bring her to me.
I was so nervous and prayed continually throughout the morning. I was doubting she would come, and I couldn't believe that she would bring R. She made a 1 1/2 hour trip to Port au Prince to meet with me. I walked to meet her at the gate. There she was, beautiful, just as I had imagined. She was holding R. R smiled the biggest smile and hugged me tight. They came and sat with us for hours. During this time my heart was broken. I watched as a little girl I have loved from afar love her mommy. She clung to her. They smiled at each other. They LOVE each other.
I asked all the questions I had prepared. Did she understand adoption? Did she want me to parent R? Did she know that she wouldn't see her again? Her answers astounded me. She had no idea what adoption was. She thought I would bring R frequently to see her. She asked me to buy her a phone so she could call her every week. She didn't understand that R would lose her language within 6 months of coming to America. She was looking for someone to feed and clothe her daughter, she wasn't looking for another family for her.
It was time to leave. R gave me two big kisses on the lips, we sang Jesus loves me, and our ABC's. I got into the car and wept. I saw R as G's daughter. She is not mine. God formed her in the womb of a poor mother in Haiti. Poverty does not an orphan make. G wants her daughter! G sent R with another biological mom that we have since found out was being paid to find kids for the creche. G couldn't feed her daughter. She is 26 years old with 3 other children and no job: she had no means to support another child. She is a strong, healthy woman, but mostly she is a mom.
R is now with her mom. Reunited with the woman that birthed her into this world. I am home. I go into the room that was prepared for her, I see the excess of clothes, the new bunk beds for her and her big sissy...but it's not enough. Our love, our wealth, it is not enough to take her from her mom, from her home, from her culture.
I thought I would be saving an impoverished little girl, but through this, she has saved me. She has saved me from thinking that somehow our family is better, that somehow being here would lead her to Jesus. She has taught me the truth of God's providence. He can use her in Haiti. Her mother, with help, can be empowered to take care of HER children. I can support them from afar, I can LOVE her still.
Love is what this is. Love is caring for a woman and her 4 children. Love is not selfish and doing what makes me and my family FEEL good. Love is sacrifice.
Out of our family's tragedy came restoration. Out of our loss came great gain. Out of the lies and deception, hope was born. If you want to help support moms like G, if you want to empower them to keep their children, if you want to not only say, “be warm and filled,” but you want to warm and fill a family, go to:
Empowering Haitian Moms
P.O. Box 4142
Chesterfield MO 63006
Or Paypal at empoweringhaitainmoms@gmail.com
P.O. Box 4142
Chesterfield MO 63006
Or Paypal at empoweringhaitainmoms@gmail.com
Please write “Restoration” in the memo.
All donations are tax deductible.
wow...wow. You are brave, beautiful, and broken. A hero. I have been praying for justice for each of you and for the parents lied to in Haiti. Our God is a God Who Sees and I know he is not finished with your story. Praying for you now and will continue to do so.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story, I cannot imagine how incredibly hard it must be. You are so, so very brave. You ARE my hero. You did what needed to be done. I'm so sorry for the loss you are grieving now. I only hope that if faced with the same choice, I will make the same decision. I will pray for your family.
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