On Sunday July the 15th Jeremy and I made a commitment to the Lord. We closed everything down and shut out the world in the hopes of hearing God.
I wrote in my journal: "I petition the Lord for an answer. To change my heart and help me to rest in the leadership of my husband. Or to radially change Jeremy's heart and speak His will to Him clearly. Let us hear Oh Lord! Unite our hearts!"
We for the first time in our marriage were in disagreement on a major issue....our adoption. I desired another child, but Jeremy had reservations. Since losing Stephen we were both fearful and apprehensive about another referral for many reasons. One being the money. We still feel a great responsibility to support Stephen, he is ours and we love him. We were fearful of losing another child, of the cost, (financial and humanly speaking), and of the "what if's?".
I laid down for the first time in our marriage ready to submit quietly if in fact this was the Lord's will for our family. The Lord spoke to me that night and said He would honor my submission. Jeremy has always been the leader of our home, but I can't tell you I have willfully submitted to his authority. This time however I knew I needed to be quite. So quite I have been. I haven't been talking on the phone unless it is necessary and I have stayed away from media. I've prayed more, not that it has been easy, satan has sent many distractions, but God's plans are not thwarted. "The Lord foil the plans of the nations, He thwarts the purposes of the peoples. But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations. Psalm 33:10-11
During this time the Lord has been pruning me and teaching me. Jeremy and I have been spending our nights in prayer and discussion. Seeking the will of God. I can say our marriage has grown deeper than I even thought it could. Jeremy is so on fire for the Lord and is preaching with a passion I've never seen in him. I have seen the Lord in a different way. He loves me and He wants good things for me, but He also desires my complete obedience and faithfulness to Him. I have to confess I had gotten so wrapped up in the adoption it was stealing my peace.
I've had more time to reflect, time to see, and time to notice the blessings I already have. My life is full....right now I am complete. I am complete in Christ. If I never have another child, eat another meal, sleep another night....I am complete.
On July 19th I received a message from Giving Hope. They had a referral for us. A little 18 month old baby boy. My heart was soaring. I couldn't wait to see him and to know who he was. Jeremy came in and we talked about it. He said he wanted to see him. So we waited......
On July 24th I found out who he was. He was a baby boy I had picked out from the Giving Hope page. I had said to myself, "I wonder if that's him."
God had a plan....He had a plan in April when we traveled to Haiti. When we sat at the table with Stephen and Rebekah, and I wanted to name Willy, (Stephen) Benjamin. Jeremy said no he is Stephen. It was so perfect for him. I blogged about how significant his name was and how the Lord God himself named him. God had a plan for the name Benjamin we just didn't know it. I showed Jeremy the sweet baby boy. He said, "YES". This little boy that just came to Giving Hope was intended to be ours. Then he said his name is Benjamin. I looked up the meaning (I believe a name is very important) and I found this, "According to classical rabbinical sources, Benjamin was only born after Rachel had fasted for a long time, as a religious devotion with the hope of a new child as a reward." God has rewarded me with this child I have prayed for. I proceeded to tell Jeremy that his Haitian last name meant, "gift of God." I wanted a name that meant the same. Jeremy said, "his middle name is Matthais." I did a search and the name Matthais means, "gift of God."
I have witnessed the miraculous hand of my Lord again. I'm so grateful that God has chosen us, our family for this. Our kids were upstairs the other day with their little friends playing like they were adopted. They were from all over the world. It moves me. It changes me. It makes me truly aware of the Lord's hand on our lives. We are making many sacrifices for these children, but to us they don't seem like a sacrifice. You see Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for my adoption. So I can shop at the Goodwill, sell material possessions, work extra hours, and give more of myself for these children. They are our children. Before we were created they were ours. Just as Rachel prayed for Benjamin, I pray for my Benjamin, I pray for my Rebekah, I pray for my Stephen. The womb of my heart has been opened by God! Praise be to the ONE TRUE GOD!!!!!!
I'm not really sure where I have been but I just saw this. Awesome!
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