Today has been a spiritually draining day, one of much heaviness and sadness. Broken for a world that doesn't care to see the wounds of my Saviour.
We all have a story. We all have cracks in our life, left by our own sin or the sin of someone else. I think of myself sometimes as a porcelain doll, fragile, yet strong, breakable, yet unbroken, shattered, yet pieced back together by my Jesus.
My story is one of many years of an adulterous lifestyle. I allowed myself to be used by men in the hopes of receiving their love in return. Not knowing that my kinsman redeemer awaited me. That He, God Himself was wooing me and calling me as His own. I started recounting the sin that I was steeped in, I thought of the intense pain I suffered because of myself. I sat in the rocking chair, rocking my baby boy, given to me by God, crying. I was crying because in 1 day I will be flying into the will of God. I started thinking of what a small thing it is that I'm doing for His kingdom in light of all He has done for me. The story came to me of a woman in the Bible, a woman like me. She met Jesus in a room filled with religious men. Devout men with their pompous looks and arrogant glances. She was there, a whore, taking her hair down in front of men. This was unheard of in her day. She began to wash the feet of Jesus with her tears and anoint Him with fragrant oil. The Pharisees were astounded by this and said to themselves that if He were a prophet He would know she was a sinner. He proceeded to ask them a question about a man that had two debtors. Both debtors owed money and the man forgave them both. He ask which one would love the man more the one with more or less debt. They answered that the one whom the man forgave more. Jesus said they had judged rightly. The one that was forgiven more would love more. I have been forgiven more I MUST love more.
My sins which were many were carried upon my Saviour. Each step He took as the blood pour down He thought of me. He was smitten and afflicted for my transgressions. He was broken for me. So YES I will go, I will go, I will go. Go into the nations proclaiming the gospel of my Jesus. The gospel that brings salvation to the most vile, wretched sinner. It is a small thing for this cracked mess, this girl that was a whore. Cracks that my sin had made have been filled by His love. I have been patched up, ready to serve, to give, to die. For His glory, because of His glory, because of His redeeming LOVE.
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