Quite.....

I'm quite with not much to say.......silently reflecting over the last few months. I have so many thought's in my mind that will come out eventually, but now is a time of waiting. I want the words to be His and not mine. With that comes a level of fear. Fear of man, fear of what attack will come when I speak truth. I will hold fast to Him. He doesn't delay....and His word never fails. 

To be continued.......

Cracks In Our Life.....Memories......And A Story Of Redeeming Love

Today has been a spiritually draining day, one of much heaviness and sadness. Broken for a world that doesn't care to see the wounds of my Saviour.

We all have a story. We all have cracks in our life, left by our own sin or the sin of someone else. I think of myself sometimes as a porcelain doll, fragile, yet strong, breakable, yet unbroken, shattered, yet pieced back together by my Jesus.

My story is one of many years of an adulterous lifestyle. I allowed myself to be used by men in the hopes of receiving their love in return. Not knowing that my kinsman redeemer awaited me. That He, God Himself was wooing me and calling me as His own. I started recounting the sin that I was steeped in, I thought of the intense pain I suffered because of myself. I sat in the rocking chair, rocking my baby boy, given to me by God, crying. I was crying because in 1 day I will be flying into the will of God. I started thinking of what a small thing it is that I'm doing for His kingdom in light of all He has done for me. The story came to me of a woman in the Bible, a woman like me. She met Jesus in a room filled with religious men. Devout men with their pompous looks and arrogant glances. She was there, a whore, taking her hair down in front of men. This was unheard of in her day. She began to wash the feet of Jesus with her tears and anoint Him with fragrant oil. The Pharisees were astounded by this and said to themselves that if He were a prophet He would know she was a sinner. He proceeded to ask them a question about a man that had two debtors. Both debtors owed money and the man forgave them both. He ask which one would love the man more the one with more or less debt. They answered that the one whom the man forgave more. Jesus said they had judged rightly. The one that was forgiven more would love more. I have been forgiven more I MUST love more.

My sins which were many were carried upon my Saviour. Each step He took as the blood pour down He thought of me. He was smitten and afflicted for my transgressions. He was broken for me. So YES I will go, I will go, I will go. Go into the nations proclaiming the gospel of my Jesus. The gospel that brings salvation to the most vile, wretched sinner. It is a small thing for this cracked mess, this girl that was a whore. Cracks that my sin had made have been filled by His love. I have been patched up, ready to serve, to give, to die. For His glory, because of His glory, because of His redeeming LOVE.   

Our God Is Stronger!

When you set out on a journey, on a path that God has drawn out for you, when you step into the spiritual realm of faith, there will be war. In 6 days I will be boarding a plane to Haiti. Haiti is one of the most underprivileged, impoverished, almost hopeless, countries in the world. As myself and 11 other godly women have set out on this faith journey, fear has tried to creep in. Fear of the unknown, fear of death, fear of sickness, fear of leaving family, friends, children, and husband's. Fear, if given into breeds hopelessness. We, however, being the redeemed of God have a TRUE hope. Not the hope of men, not the hope of scholars, not the hope of the wise, not the wisdom that the world grasps for. God is hope and His love is a banner over us.

I have been studying the life of Moses for the last few months. Moses is a revered man, respected by religious elite, held at a high esteem by the Jewish nation, and looked to as a strong man of God, but Moses feared. He had a speech impediment that kept him from proclaiming the truths of God. God in fact became frustrated with Moses because he kept saying he couldn't speak. So God allowed Aaron to speak for him. Moses feared the people. In Exodus chapter 17 he said, "What shall I do with this people? They are almost ready to stone me!" Fear is part of our flesh and our nature, but we are overcomers of fear by the power of God. We are not delivered again unto fear, but to hope, peace, and love.

The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. We should have a reverent fear of God. He says in the Bible not to fear man, but to fear Him because He is able to destroy both the body and soul in hell. Our sovereign God is in control, when we rest in Him we will not fear. So many people like to stir up our natural fears. I have heard aren't you afraid to die? What if a hurricane hits? What will happen to your children? etc. God has numbered my days, they are written in His book. I have no fear because I know  who I serve, who my redemption is, and where I will go after this body has stopped. I have peace knowing He has my story written.

In Exodus chapter 18 it goes on to tell the story of a war between Israel and Amalek. During the battle Moses held his hands in the air with the rod of God in his hand as God commanded him to do. His hands became weak and began to hang down. Aaron and Hur sat him down on a stone and held up his hands. Moses obeyed, his friends came along side him and bore his burden with him, but God was in control of the battle. He has this! He knows our innermost parts, the very hairs of our heads are cataloged in His book, He loves us and cares for us. He will protect us.

We are in a spiritual battle one that can't be seen with the human eye. God in His wisdom has equipped us to fight without fear. We are not on the battlefield without armor. We have the helmet of salvation to protect our minds from the voice of the enemy. satan taunts us and feeds us lies, but we are the Lord's, sealed, kept, protected from the evil one. The breastplate of righteousness to protect our vital organs. We have Jesus' righteousness to protect our innermost parts. When God looks at us He sees the righteousness of His son, and we are protected by HIS righteousness. We have the shoes of peace. These shoes have sharp nails designed to give us a firm footing on even the most rugged terrain. We are ready to GO and spread the gospel of peace without fear of losing our footing. The belt of truth is the truth of God's word. He has equipped us with the ability to plan and prepare for battle. We know the strategy of the enemy, we see where the battle lines are drawn, and we know the ONE who fights for us. We have the shield of faith so that we may quench the fiery darts of the enemy, and the sword of the spirit to fight back.

With this knowledge we must PREPARE, BELIEVE, and STAND. Fearlessly going and doing what God has called us to do. Knowing that He is the life giver, the life sustainer, the life protector, and He is our peace. Jehovah Nessi goes before us and fights for us. Praise be to God! All glory and power are HIS!

Through Peace Comes Praise!

Sam has been asking for a pair of airwalks for months now. Eli received a pair for his second birthday and Sam has wanted some since then. He has thanked me over and over for the shoes. This morning during our morning worship he began to expound the scripture from a 4 year olds point of view. He said that we must put on our strong shoes, cover our bellies with armor, cover our heads with a helmet, and take up our sword to fight the enemy. My eyes began to brim with tears because he is listening. His daddy is preaching through the armor of God at church. Next week he will be preaching on the shoes of peace. 

I started thinking about the shoes. Peace- A condition or sense of harmony, well-being, and prosperity. The biblical concept means more than the absence of hostility, and it is more than a psychological state. (Holman Bible Dictionary) When we put on our shoes of peace we can move about in the assurance of Christ. The world can't give peace, it brings the opposite of peace, it brings worry and doubt. 

Sam couldn't wait to put on his new shoes. As soon as we got into the car he put them on and he hasn't taken them off. We too must put on the shoes of peace. We can walk in peace knowing that our messiah is the Prince of Peace. Peace is not a easy, feel good, 70's feeling, it is a confidence in our maker. We can engage in warfare knowing the war has been fought and won.

5 days of thanks....catching up...

Day 18: A Gift, Shared, Saved, Surrendered-The gift of grace....we share....we are saved by it....and we surrender to it. So thankful for His grace that He bestowed on me a sinner.

Day 19: 3 Gifts Unexpected- Donated gifts from Merck for Haiti. A garage full of donations, too many to count. Meals prepared by friends.

Day 20: 3 Gifts Unconventional- Sitting on the couch in quiet reflection. The gift of a doctor referring my husband to someone more qualified. Dreams of my babies in Haiti.

Day 21: 3 Gifts Undervalued- My children. This world says they are a burden, to me they are a blessing. My home. It may not be "big" enough by the world's standards, but to me it is a home and a refuge. Time. The gift of time, it ticks by so quickly, we don't value that it is passing.

Day 22: A Gift Silent, Still, Strong- My husband. He is a rock when I am weak. He is the stronger vessel that protects my heart and my emotions. The voice of reason that lovingly pulls me in when I am taken captive by my emotions. He was at peace when the doctor's were going into his heart to make it new. He was my silent strength and peace throughout my fear. 

Sewing A New Patch In Our Family Quilt: The Beautiful Ugly

Day 17: 3 Gifts Ugly-Beautiful

One of the most ugly-beautiful things is adoption so I reposted my post titled The Beautiful Ugly. Adoption is the most Ugly-beautiful story I know. We once were ugly, but now we are made beautiful in His sight. How amazing is His love. My baby boy Eli, orphaned, cherished, loved.....ugly-beautiful. My babies in Haiti, orphaned, abused, neglected, rescued, nourished, chosen.....the ugly-beautiful.



Sewing A New Patch In Our Family Quilt: The Beautiful Ugly: I have sat down multiple times to write a feel good blog, full of love, an exciting story of adoption, but that's not the story. I have to t...

Burning For God

Tomorrow's thanks is for 3 gift's that burn. When I think of the word burn, I think of passion, I think of refinement, I think of my God that is a consuming fire. I posted the statement below on my facebook page under www.roomforgraceintl.org. It is a place where you can go and donate money for orphans. It explains my burning passion for orphans.

“I've been doing a joy dare given by Ann VosKamp on her blog. It is 31 days of thanks throughout the month of October. Tomorrow is 3 Gifts that burn. Orphans burn my soul, they make me passionate, I'm filled with a burning desire to help them. If we are following the example of God left in scripture we ALL should be burning for orphans. In America we are rich! It amazes me when I ask someone to donate and they tell me they're broke as they are texting on their Iphone, their kid is playing on their Ipad, and they live in a house that could be a home for several orphans! I have nothing against enjoying blessings from the Lord, but He has always made provision for the orphan, poor, and widow. In the Old Testament when farmers would pluck grain they were instructed by God to leave some for the poor, the widow, and the orphan. In the New Testament He said that a PURE religion is to care for widows and orphans. We become PURE through the fire. Allow God to ignite a passion in you for these children. Burn with a fervency to HELP the least of these! PLEASE GIVE! It doesn't take much to make a difference!”


I burn with passion for my family. I was watching as my husband explained the shoes of peace to my children. Sam sat in his lap rubbing his beard, Lily on my lap, her lanky body curled up like a infant. The light from the lamp shining down as the Spirit of God shone down. I burn with a passion and desire to raise godly children. Children that are willing to do the will of God. Not just hearers of the word, but doers.  Not Christians that "know" the word, but Christians that KNOW the WORD! The Word that is God!


I burn with a desire that those around me would be ignited to serve. That the passion in my heart for Christ would not be contained, but that it would spread like a wildfire. I want the stagnant, pew sitting, lazy Christian to rise up and burn for Christ. If we would come together what a GREAT fire we could kindle.


This joy dare is changing me! It is reminding me daily of the God I serve. Not just learning about Him but living for HIM. Dying to myself daily and learning to sacrifice and serve like Him. Allowing Him to consume me and burn away everything that is not of Him.