Saturday, March 31, 2012

The Blessing Of Our Children

As I have been praying and seeking God regarding the who, how old, and how many God brought something to my attention. All of my children have been given to me for a specific reason.

Lily- My sweet, pretty, flower full of love and generosity toward others. She teaches me to love more, complain less, and forgive for everything. She is a lover and she loves unconditionally. I look at how she embraced Eli even when he despised her, bit her, and pulled her hair. When we say maybe more than one child her response is, "Yes mom you know I would love it ! That's awesome!" She looks at the world with eyes of FAITH and LOVE!

Sam- My silly, funny, full of life little boy. He has been my JOY! He came out of the womb in a horrible way, stuck, and bruised horrifically. He screamed most of the day for 5 months. I knew he would be full of personality. He never meets a stranger and bats his beautiful eyelashes at everyone he meets. He is truly captivating. He has taught me to love unconditionally because loving him the first year of his life was HARD. He has taught me to be calm, patient, and to stay the adult when he is acting up. He makes me laugh most of the day and he won't let me stay in a bad mood. PRECIOUS JOY!

Eli-My serious, affectionate, Korean born boy. He has taught me that I could fall in love with a baby that doesn't look like me, doesn't have the same DNA as me, and that wasn't birthed from my womb. I can honestly say that the first 4 months I wondered if "it" would happen, if I would feel like he was really mine. Then "it" did happen and I have proof. We were at a doctor's appointment and while I was chatting with the other mom's in the waiting room no one asked if he was adopted. Then in conversation I mentioned it and one of the ladies said, "I thought he was your real son" to which I replied, "he is." She could not believe he was adopted she went on and on about how natural we seemed together and how attached we were. Today I came home from work and he ran to me yelling mama and holding his hands in the air for me to hold him. He is mine and he has taught me HOPE and LOVE!

So as I pray I don't pray mine or Jeremy's will be done, but our Father's will to be done. There are possibly three little children in Haiti that need a mommy, daddy, sister, two brother's, and a lot of FAITH, HOPE, LOVE, and JOY!!!!

Friday, March 30, 2012

Muddling Through

"Let me die-lest I die-only let me see Thy face." This is the prayer of St. Augustine

"Hide not Thy face from me," he cried in an agony of desire. "Oh! That I might repose on Thee. Oh! That Thou wouldst enter into my heart, and inebriate it, that I may not forget my ills, and embrace Thee, my sole good." St. Augustine

Someday's I find myself with a spirit of irritation just muddling through the mundane. It's not that I don't have multiple blessings to be thankful for and it's not that I'm not thanking my God for those things...it's just one of "those days." I despise these days of dreary loneliness. I know in my mind how gratefulness should be spilling out of my heart, but my heart is feeling heavy. There is a lot going on in our lives and I realize that all of those "things" are in the back burner of my mind and causing most of my stress, but this is not the attitude I want to have.

I read the above text from a book I'm currently reading and I have been chewing on it. What was Augustine saying? He was saying that he wanted to die to himself and take on the fullness of Christ. I too want God to strip away all that is left of "ME" and die on the cross of my flesh. But how?

Jeremy was home for lunch and I ask him to pray with me. He read the following scripture to me, "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? Psalm 13:1-2 My heart shall rejoice in Your mercy; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will  sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me. Psalm 13:4-6"

Even through difficult situations like David found himself in he praised the Lord. I am realizing that when I am below sea level and feel like I'm drowning He is still there, His mercy and grace are still available. All my days aren't going to be rosy and perfect, but joy can still be the anchor in my soul. I can count it all joy and rejoice through the dark days. Paul talked about the prize that we are going to receive at the end of our race....the Victor's Crown. This crown is going to be placed on the head of those who pressed through the mundane, who fought with a tenacious spirit in the fight of their faith, that loved deeply, and praised anyway.

These days are good days even though they are hard days. They remind me that my relationship with Christ is not based on my feelings that change with the tide. My relationship with Him is secure even in the mess and the mire. I have to learn to trust that He is loving me even when outwardly I'm unlovable. He is my rock and my fortress in Him I will trust. I will muddle and press through the mire to win the eternal prize......  

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Thankfulness......

Thankful for Lily's list of thankfulness...


Thankful for sweet drool and fat cheeks.....



Thankful for God's creation.....


Thankful for warm spring days....



Monday, March 26, 2012

Cinderella And The Redemption Story

We all know the story of Cinderella. The story of the little Cinder girl that was orphaned by her mother and left by her father. Left in her stepmother's care, abused, mistreated, and forced to work from morning until night. My favorite part of the story is when she finds herself out in the garden, crying, distraught over her circumstances and the fairy godmother shows up on the scene. She removes Cinderella's filthy rags and places on her a beautiful, elegant dress. Cinderella had tried to make her own covering, but her wicked stepsister's had torn it into rags. She makes a coach for her and sends her on her way to a ball that would forever change her life. The only catch is she has to be home before the clocks strikes midnight. She left the ball running, scared, and in her haste lost her glass slipper. We know what happens next, the prince finds her and places the glass slipper on it's rightful owner and they lived happily ever after.

This is a story of redemption and it reminds me of my story. I was like Cinderella....a girl left to myself, abused, neglected, and used. My prince came in the form of a man and sacrificed His own life on a cross for my redemption. He took my torn, tattered, stained garments and replaced them with rich robes. I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of His righteousness. Isaiah 61:10 He cleansed me and renewed my spirit within me. He loves me, and calls me by name. He has given me a hope and a future just like the prince in the story of Cinderella.

There is another story of redemption I would like to tell...it is a story of adoptive redemption. One year ago I bought this cute pair of shoes for the daughter I assumed we would have from Korea. God in His divine wisdom and providence gave us a son. A beautiful, perfect, sweet, Korean son. Before the foundation of the world God had planned to redeem Eli's life by placing him in a family that He knew would teach Him the holy scripture's and point him to His son Jesus. If Eli had stayed in Korea his life there would have been extremely different. He would be in an orphanage until he became a teenager and then he would have been on his own. He wouldn't have been given the much needed medical attention and surgeries that we are able to give him here. God could have chosen to call him and woo him in Korea. God will call whom He will wherever He wills to do it, but He chose to give him to us. We need Eli as much as he needs us. He has taught me to love unconditionally, to fight to bond and attach, and to see through God's eyes. Now back to the shoes. There is a little girl in Haiti I'm going to take these shoes to. I have a very romantic imagination and in my mind nothing would make for a better love story than for these shoes to fit our daughter. I would love to slip these shoes on little brown feet and know the little girl wearing these green shoes was predestined to be ours. However, God's ways are not ours and His plans are not our plans. So Jeremy and I are traveling on the 28th open to the will of our sovereign Father. I'm still taking the shoes and some sweet girl is going to be the recipient of them.(they are just too stinking cute)

We are trusting in the Lord and I can't wait to see His redemptive plan for our lives unfold. How wonderful is He to allow us simple minded, fallen, imperfect humans to perform His work in the earth.

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to son-ship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have we wait for it patiently.  Romans 8:22-25


In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of you salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession-to the praise of his glory. Ephesians 1:11-14

Thursday, March 22, 2012

More Than A Name

I thank God, whom I serve with a pure conscience, as my forefathers did, as without ceasing I remember you in my prayers night and day, greatly desiring to see you, being mindful of your tears, that I may be filled with joy, when I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and you mother Eunice, and I am persuaded is in you also. Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, no of me His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began, but has now been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Jesus Christ, who has abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, to which I was appointed a preacher, an apostle, and a teacher of the Gentiles. For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day. 2 Timothy 1:3-12


In 1992 in the gymnasium of Bradley Central High School a young man came to speak to us about his brother that had committed suicide. What he said that day has stuck with me for 20 years. He said, "my brother killed himself for attention, but what he didn't know is that within 15 minutes after death people start to forget you."

I was sitting at work a few weeks ago, holding the credit card of one of my co-workers and it was as if her name stuck out to me in 3-D. God spoke to me and said, "When she dies all she has left is her name. The money in her bank account won't matter, the home she inhabited won't matter, all that is left of her is her name."

It has been 13 years since the death of my sister. I have lost my granny, my mamaw, and my papaw. There bodies have been deep within the earth for a very long time and their memory has faded. I can't remember details of their face, their smell, the way they sound. The things I do remember most are the moments I experienced God with them. When my sister and I sat at the kitchen table listening to my papaw preach a fired up sermon and we cried together. I remember my papaw's round belly when he would hug me tight at the front of the church after he had preached his heart out. When my mamaw was lying so peacefully at the end of her life after struggling for years with panic attacks and a fear of death. Those are the moments that meant the most to me.

I was talking to another lady at work about the coming of the Lord and she made the comment that in every generation there are those that are looking for Christ to come back. (she doesn't believe He's coming.) I told her maybe not, but she will die. We are all going to face death. What legacy are you going to leave behind? Will you be like Lois and Eunice that taught Timothy about their precious Lord, or will you leave just your name?

I have been spending most of my time in deep reflection lately. What is my purpose, what is my gift? The pastor of the church we attended for 8 years made the comment when I had spoke to him of revival that I was like a little ember that could start a FIRE. That is the legacy I want to leave. I want to leave a trail of flames that lead to Jesus Christ. I don't want to be remembered for my intellect, my knowledge of the holy scripture's, or my church attendance. I want to be remembered as a fire that burns brightly for my Lord. I want to encourage others in the faith to push into the flame of God. Burn with passion and desire to count everything as loss and follow hard after the Lord Jesus Christ.

You have the power through Jesus to ignite a fire of revival in your own life.

Jesus, Crucify this flesh, purify, purge, and cleanse us. Light us on fire for you. Help us not to care about our popularity, but focus on our character. Help us to rely completely on the Holy Spirit's power to perform the work you have laid out for us.

The definition of a Christian- Romans 12:9-16 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; no lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set you mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. 


fervent spirit- "To boil in spirit." This phrase suggests having plenty of heat to produce adequate, productive energy, but not so much heat that one goes out of control.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Conundrum........that's what I got myself into!

None of us are above rebuke especially me.

I am a people pleaser to a fault. I want everyone to like me and I want to make everyone happy. A dear friend invited me to church with her this morning weeks ago. Her husband was speaking on adoption and she wanted us to come. I had told her I would, then I ended up double booking my Sunday and got myself into a mess. I wanted to call her, but I knew her feelings would be hurt so I did the unthinkable and sent an email. (WHAT A JERK) So now not only am I a people pleaser, I'm a prideful, selfish jerk, who cared more about my uncomfortable situation than her feelings. I did call this morning and I was confronted with my sin in love by my dear friend. She rebuked me and rightfully so. I'm sharing this with you so maybe you can learn from my mistakes. Her feelings were important to me, my heart ached for her this morning, and I didn't want our fellowship to be broken, but I chose the easy way out, she however, did not. She did the HARD thing, she brought her hurt to me, and expressed her disappointment. It released her to go and worship freely with no anger or bitterness toward me and it allowed me to ask for her forgiveness and get back into a right standing before God.

If we get to a point in our Christian walk when we think we are above sin or think we won't fall....look out because a fall is coming. I am grateful for the fall because it brings me back down to my knees. I'm going to be signing off the computer for a few days and seek God's face for many things in our lives. He is the only one that can purify me and refine me. My prayer is to be more like Jesus and less like me. I want to speak truth in love, confront uncomfortable situations head-on, and say no when I need to. With the help of the Holy Spirit I'm going to get there...I'm going to get to a place where my desire is to please God and Him alone. I don't like the way this process feels, but I'm going to like what grows in me through this. So thank you to my friend..you know who you are for being honest and loving me in-spite of myself.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Repentance and Belief

I have been struggling for the last couple of weeks with bitterness. God woke me up at 2:22 this morning and I spent time in prayer and repentance.

Bitterness is one of those sins that creeps in unnoticed and if left unchecked can take root in your heart and flourish. Comments about our adoption planted the seed of bitterness and it had started to take root. I'm so thankful that God in His great love wrote a love note to me that I could read to be reminded of His might, power, and forgiveness. Psalm 146:1-5 Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord, my soul. I will praise the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save. When their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing. Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord their God. 
My trust cannot lie in the flesh of man. Man is wicked and corrupt in nature and if not regenerated will not see the darkness in his heart. My hope has to be in my creator God because, "He is the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them he remains faithful for ever." Psalm 146:6


Bitterness had made me start to doubt my Lord's provision. But Psalm 146:7-9 says, "He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry. The Lord sets prisoners free, the Lord gives sight to the blind, the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down, the Lord loves the righteous. The Lord watches over the foreigner and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the ways of the wicked."
My God that feeds and provides for the animals, that watches when one falls to the ground, that is acquainted with all of our ways, and has record of every single hair on my head will provide for us. He has called His people to do His work and He will use whom He wills. My faith has been restored unto me this morning. I believe if He so chooses He will rain money down from heaven. For He is able to do all that we ask.

The Lord reigns forever, your God, O Zion, for all generations. PRAISE THE LORD.Psalm 146:10