Reminders and Rainbows

My mind is so full of memories, times, and works that the Lord has providentially allowed in my life. I'm so full the words have to flow from my mind to paper.....I don't want to forget.

As I stood today at the graveside of my sweet friend Mary (she was there burying her first child), my mind began to swim, my heart began to ask. How someone so precious and so dear to our sweet Lord could stand here in a cold graveyard with a tiny casket in front of her laying her little one to rest. And then He spoke...He said remember 13 years ago when you were here, remember when you stood at the graveside of your sister on that cold Valentine's Day. Remember Kimberly, remember my promises to you, remember how I rescued you and comforted you, remember the rainbow I sent just for you. Remember my love....remember. I left tonight with a beautiful full moon in my view with the reminder that God is perfect, His love is perfect, His ways are perfect, and His plan for us is perfect even when it is HARD... His HARD is perfect.

So I remember that day again like it was yesterday. I remember the phone call from my dad, voice shaking, trembling with terror in his voice. I remember driving to Chattanooga alone to pick out my baby sisters outfit for her to wear in her cold grave (she always sought my advice in the clothing department.) I remember driving back to the funeral home and applying lipstick to her cold lips, and I remember how hard that was, how cold she was, how the skin of her lips moved and stayed with each stroke, I remember buying her fake nails to replace the ones the detectives had to remove for evidence. But more than all of that I remember the day I was driving down the road distraught, questioning God, wondering if she was in heaven. That was when I saw it on a clear day, not a cloud in the sky....my rainbow. Peace came over me and I knew then all of it was His, it all belonged to Him, He ordained all of this experience before I was conceived. Not much longer after her death I was teaching at the jail on Tuesdays, and my friend Amy had called and ask if I would teach. I had a feeling something remarkable was going to happen, and there in the sky was my rainbow. That night as I led the class I taught on the touch of Jesus how he touched the untouchables and right in front of me with my sisters name tattooed on her forearm was Tart Blair the very girl that has been accused of conspiring to kill my sister. God allowed me to stand there in front of her filled with the Holy Spirit, looking her straight in the eye, saying to her that God could touch her too.

My mind as I rocked Eli in his room tonight went back to the bad decisions I made as a teenager and young adult. How I married a man that I knew was not who God had for me, but my flesh desired him. How after just 6 months of marriage and 4 months after my sister was murdered filed for a divorce. (he is now a Christian man, married to a beautiful woman, with two beautiful children) I chose to walk down the isle to a man I knew didn't love the Lord and I paid the consequences. But God in His great mercy towards me sent me to live in Bell Buckle, Tn. I lived in a camper and started to Nursing School. Then in October of 2002 my prince walked into the little fudge shop I was working at with my mom. He walked out that day and I think I really knew in my heart we would be married. One year later on October 9 we were married. God redeemed my desire to be married to a godly man. I can't express in words how much I love this man. How thankful that God brought us together. He is the man of my dreams because of his deep, deep love of Jesus. He is humble and he loves me as Christ loves the church.

Now to where we are now. I didn't even think back to the rainbow when I titled this blog, I was thinking more of the mix of races that will make up our family. I'm so thankful for reminders, I'm so thankful that Jesus takes me back and shows me what He has done for me, and how much He loves me! Just a few hours away there is a little brown girl or boy that Jesus in His great love and mercy towards me is going to allow me to parent. He is going to make our family a living rainbow to this dying world. That is my prayer at least. I want our family to lead people to Christ so they can experience His love and peace. That is the desire of my heart. Lord let us be a living rainbow reflecting your love.

He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. 2 Samuel 22:20